I was a moody teenager. Some days down, some days hyper. Often bored and unsure what to do with my time. I felt out of control. It took years down the road to understand I had a lot of unhappiness. I seemed to experience good days and twice as many bad. I thought that was how life was supposed to be. That life was supposed to be hard, a struggle, out of my hands. I had grown up with many painful emotions. I would allow the actions of others to pull me down. If someone was angry with me or told me I was doing something wrong, I felt it deep within my soul. I felt inadequate. Broken.
It became a repetitive cycle.
A pattern had developed where I depended on other people to make me happy. If I made someone else happy, I felt good. I shared in their happiness. It meant I was doing something right. What I didn’t realize was I was giving my power over to others. I was letting them lead me around by an emotional leash and that wasn’t really living. I hadn’t realized I was the one in control of my unhappiness. I was the one allowing others to bring me down because that was a pattern I had learned as a child. I didn’t understand that the more I focused on sadness and pain, the more I drew those unhealthy emotions to me.
It was time for me to take my power back. Time to change my energy. If this sounds familiar to you, if it’s something you can relate to, here are some ways to help.
Break the old pattern
Breaking an old pattern can sometimes be difficult if you are not aware there’s a pattern at all. It may take some time, but write down anything (or anyone) that hurts you. Then go deeper and ask yourself why does this hurt so much? When did it begin? Once you figure out the pattern that seems to be repetitive in your life, it’s time to break it. Acknowledge the issue, and make the decision to not give it any more power. If someone bates you, “You always doing this! This is always your fault!” Well, there’s part of the problem right there. Stop and walk away from that person. Stop doing what the other person claims you are doing. The first step is recognizing the unhealthy pattern and telling yourself you’re ready to let it go.
Release the helpless child
Many of us hold on to old feelings and memories from our childhood that do not serve us well. It could be a loss of someone you loved, a betrayal, or an act of verbal or physical abuse. It can even be guilt. If something happened during your childhood, it’s time to release it from your present life. You are no longer that helpless child. You survived the incident and now you are an adult who is no longer in that situation. You are strong and you have control of your life. If you are ready to forgive the person, then do so. If not, it’s okay. One day you will be ready. Once you release the painful feelings, your spirit will feel so much better. Say it aloud, “I release my inner helpless child. I am strong and I create my own happiness. I release their power over me.”
Start focusing on good energy
How many times has something upset you so much that you continue to think about it afterward? How many times do you continue to replay the incident in your head? Then the upset keeps building and won’t go away. That’s an awful feeling, isn’t it? Once you realize you are doing this, it’s time to stop. Sometimes I use a visualization of letting the emotion fall away from me. I then focus on something I enjoy or something that makes me feel better. If I need time to curl up in bed and watch a show I enjoy then I will. If I need to go someplace happy or take a walk then I will. If I need to treat myself then I will. Because I am important and my happiness is important. Taking the time to focus on something that makes you feel good, will bring your energy into a good place.
So often we may actually hear a voice in our head that has developed from unhealthy emotions. We tend to put ourselves down while we are feeling hurt. Or say angry things to ourselves because someone became angry with us. Let’s turn those emotions around and use healthy affirmations. The more we use affirmations, the more our energy will pick up. Start with these: “I hold my own power. I create my own happiness. I am free to be happy. I am free to be loved. I accept myself. I love myself.”
You deserve happiness. You are in control of your own happiness. Once you realize these two simple statements are true, you have the power to guide yourself toward a happier life. Remember, you just need to take your power back.